


My Only Hope

by captainamergirl



Category: All My Children
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-25 20:25:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18171053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainamergirl/pseuds/captainamergirl
Summary: A bunch of one shots that jump around time-wise.





	1. Baby Rabies

_**February 14th, 2012**_  
  
“I can’t believe that Mia and Jake are having a baby via a surrogate,” Babe Carey-Chandler marveled as she shuffled papers on her desk at Fusion, trying to look busy but not really pulling it off.  
  
“And what’s wrong with that?” Bianca asked, slipping into a chair opposite her coworker and friend. She flipped on her laptop.  
  
“Well it just seems… different,” Babe said. “I don’t know if I would trust some stranger to carry my child.”  
  
“Well we know you’ll never need one,” Kendall said facetiously. “You are fertile. Some would say too much so. I mean, you have five kids. Five kids in this day and age! Talk about different.”  
  
Bianca shook her head at her sister. “Kendall…”  
  
“It’s true. We don’t call Babe Easy-Bake Womb for nothing.”  
  
Babe’s cheeks flushed. “You call me that?” She looked at Bianca. “Seriously?”  
  
“She’s kidding; she’s absolutely kidding,” Bianca said reassuringly. She gave Kendall a chastising look. Kendall mostly got along with Babe these days but there were occasional moments when old resentments flared up. Bianca had forgiven Babe for the past but Kendall was still a work in progress.  
  
“Of course I am,” Kendall said. She picked up a stack of papers and bustled over to the copy machine. “Where is Colby? She needs to be doing this stuff. I should be focusing on last minute details for the party at ConFusion tonight.”  
  
“She’s around somewhere I am sure,” Babe defended her sister-in-law.  
  
“If really wants to learn the ropes here, it would help if you know, she was actually here.”  
  
“She’s having a hard time, Kendall,” Babe said. “The breakup with Damon… I mean, dear god her boyfriend left her for her mother. We should cut her a little slack.”  
  
Bianca nodded her agreement. “Babe is right.”  
  
“Now there are three words you don’t hear often,” Kendall said. She held up a hand to stop the protests. “I’m kidding, really I am.”  
  
“Kendall, is it me or do you seem a little –“ Bianca started.  
  
“Bitchy today?” Babe said.  
  
Kendall glared at Babe and turned to face her sister. “Is that what you think too, Bianca?”  
  
“I was actually going to say testy. But seriously, is everything alright?”  
  
“Yeah, everything’s fine.”  
  
“So you and Aidan are doing good?” Babe asked, sounding morbidly curious.  
  
“Should we not be doing good?” Kendall asked. She sighed and splayed her hands. “Honestly, I don’t know what’s wrong with me but this morning I picked a fight with him over absolutely nothing and I have no idea why. I feel so bad about it.”  
  
“It’s probably your time of the month,” Babe said.  
  
Kendall shook her head. “Not that it’s any of your business but I’m actually two weeks late.” She looked from Bianca to Babe and back again. They had wide, cheesy grins on their faces. “What? What are you two thinking in those little brains of yours?”  
  
“Kendall, what if you’re -“  
  
“Spit it out, Binx.”  
  
“What if you’re pregnant again?”  
  
“No, no way!” Kendall insisted. “I already have three kids. I promised myself that I wouldn’t have any more and –“  
  
“Nature decides these kinds of things,” Bianca said.  
  
“Four kids? Who am I – Babe?”  
  
“Hey!” Babe protested.  
  
Kendall sighed. “Sorry.”  
  
“Kendall, just think about it,” Bianca said. “You’ve got all of the symptoms right? Plus, you turned your nose up at cheesecake from The Valley Inn at lunchtime today. You never do that.”  
  
Kendall’s hands came to graze her impossibly flat belly as if by their volition. “Ohmigod, what if I’m –“ She broke off for a moment. “Ohmigod. I am a freaking brood mare!”  
  
Bianca laughed. “No, you’re not, but there’s only one way to know for sure.”  
  
“You need to take a pregnancy test,” Babe said. “Right here, right now. For your own peace of mind.”  
  
“It’s not like I have one of those things just sitting in my desk drawer,” Kendall said.  
  
“What if I run down to the corner store for you?” Bianca offered. “I need to stretch my legs anyway.”  
  
“Bianca-“  
  
“I’ll go with you,” Babe offered eagerly.  
  
“Come on, girls. Seriously,” Kendall said. “Baby rabies may be affecting your brains but we have a party tonight to get ready for, remember? The whole town will be there so-”  
  
“So you need to know, Kendall. I mean, what a Valentine’s gift for Aidan, right?” Babe said.  
  
Kendall sighed. “Yeah fine, whatever. You two go off on your little excursion while the grownups do the work.” She flicked her fingers and the girls laughed, running out together.  
  
Kendall tried to focus on work after they were gone but it seemed impossible. She sunk into her desk chair and crossed her lean legs. Her hand found her taut stomach again. What if she really was pregnant again? Three kids were a handful; four was chaos in the making. And yet… Yet she didn’t dislike the idea. She wasn’t prepared for this maybe, but it wasn’t a bad thing. Not at all.  
  
She smiled a bit and then jumped as she heard the elevator doors slide open. “Are you two back already?” She called. “Let’s do this thing.”  
  
“What thing?” Mia asked as she came sauntering into the office. “What two people are you referring to anyway?”  
  
Kendall blushed. “Oh I sent Bianca and Babe off to get us some snacks from the corner store.” Lie. But it rolled so easily off of her tongue. It wasn’t that she didn’t want Mia to know; after all, Mia was one of her very best friends, but Kendall was also fully aware how much Mia had longed to carry another child after she had given up her son for adoption so many years before. She and Jake had tried for two years to conceive before they accepted that they may never have kids together the so-called “natural” way. Now they had a surrogate but Kendall didn’t want Mia to feel that she was lacking in some way. Not that she should feel that way, of course, but Kendall didn’t want to rock the boat either.  
  
“Alrighty then,” Mia said, looking skeptical. “Anyway, where is everyone else?”  
  
“Most everyone is down at ConFusion finishing the decorating. Except for Colby. She’s been MIA for like hours now.”  
  
Mia shook her head. “Let me text her. I know she’s having a hard time considering what my lovely sister did but we do need her here.”  
  
“Yeah we do.”  
  
Mia started to text a message to her niece while Kendall returned to running copies. She and Mia chatted intermittently about tonight’s Valentine’s party. The top item on their agendas was figuring out what to wear.  
  
Mia was describing a dress she had seen in the window of a local boutique when Babe and Bianca returned. “We’ve got it!” Babe crowed. “Now you can find out if-“  
  
Kendall waved her hand frantically to stop Babe. Babe’s face flamed with embarrassment and Mia saw a similar expression on Kendall’s face. “Okay, what’s really going on here, ladies?”  
  
“Mia-“ Kendall started.  
  
“Someone say something,” Mia said. “Come on, what’s the big secret?” She looked at the little brown bag in Bianca’s hand. “I take it that’s not a box of Junior Mints.”  
  
When no one moved, Mia moved to Bianca and pried the bag from her hand. Bianca tried to get it back but Mia had already looked inside. “A pregnancy test? Who’s thinking they are knocked up?” Mia asked, looking between the girls. “And why exactly is this a capital secret?”  
  
“It’s not,” Kendall said. “I just didn’t want –“  
  
Mia sighed. “Oh I get it. Poor Mia can’t have a kid on her own. How sad.”  
  
“Mia, that’s not what Kendall meant,” Bianca defended her sister. “Don’t be mad. Please.”  
  
“I’m not,” Mia said. “I am not fragile okay? Please don’t treat me that way. I am not going to crumble over this. Besides, as far as I’m concerned, whether I am carrying the kid myself or not, he or she is two hundred percent mine and Jake’s.”  
  
Mia smiled then. “Now who does this test belong to?”  
  
Kendall raised her hand a little hesitantly. “It’s for me but I might not actually be pregnant. It’s just … I want to be sure.”  
  
“Well, stop hemming and hawing and go find out, woman!” Mia laughed and shooed Kendall from the room.  
  
Kendall emerged from the bathroom five minutes later carrying a stick wrapped in a paper towel. “What’s it say?” Babe asked, eyes dancing.  
  
“I’m pregnant,” Kendall said. “Baby number four is officially on the way.”  
  
Hoots and hollers rippled through the room and soon the four women were enveloped in a tight group hug. Kendall felt her eyes burning a little as she laughed. “Simone and Greenlee are going to kill us for not waiting until they got back to take this test.”  
  
Mia smiled. “They’ll understand, I’m sure. Congrats, Mom.” She hugged Kendall as tightly as she dared.  
  
Kendall smiled. “Thanks. Think our kids will grow up to be best friends?”  
  
“I think that’s pretty much guaranteed,” Mia said.


	2. Mother's Day

**Mother’s Day**  
  
_**May 12th, 2013**_  
  
Mia awakened that morning to the smell of heated maple syrup wafting on the air. She popped her eyes open one by one. She saw Jake standing next to the bed. He waved a plate stacked high with fluffy pancakes back and forth under her nose. She smiled. “Is that for me?”  
  
“Who else, sweetheart?” Jake returned with an endearing smile. He set the plate of flapjacks on a little tray that was decorated with a pristine white placemat and gleaming silverware. Mia also noticed a vase full of her favorite flowers – pink roses - sitting at her bedside.  
  
“You thought of everything,” Mia said approvingly. She stretched her arms out and Jake slipped onto the mattress with her. They kissed and Mia was sure that they would have some early morning loving but it was not to be because their son began crying down the hall, announcing his presence.  
  
Mia laughed. “He probably needs a diaper change. I’ll go get him.”  
  
“No, you won’t,” Jake said, halting her as she tried pushing back the covers over her legs. “Today is your day, _Mama,_ and I won’t let you lift a finger.”  
  
“Alright, if you insist, I think I can deal with that,” Mia said.  
  
“Happy Mother’s Day, Mia,” Jake said and scooted off of the bed. Mia smiled and slapped his ass, watching as he retreated from the room. She grinned as she began to dig into her pancakes with gusto. She had woken up with quite the appetite.  
  
Jake returned within a few minutes time, carrying an adorably bald baby boy on his hip. Mia felt her heart swell with pride and joy. She still couldn’t believe that their son was really here. She had almost given up hope of having another child.  
  
As she stretched her arms out to Johnny, her heart started to ache a bit in her chest. She thought of William then – just like she did often. Not a day went by that she didn’t wonder what he was up to, if he was okay, if he was safe and happy - all of the things she had wanted for him when she gave him up because she knew back then that she couldn’t take care of him.  
  
Jake placed the chubby tot in her arms and she tucked her little boy under her chin, holding him as tightly as she dared. He was her miracle. Hers and Jake’s.  
  
Her eyes welled with tears. Jake snitched a bite of pancake off of her plate and turned to look at her. “What are you thinking about?” There was obvious concern in his voice.  
  
“How lucky I am,” Mia said. “I’m so lucky to have you two in my life.” She kissed Johnny’s soft pink cheek and then arched up on the mattress to receive a kiss from Jake.  
  
“Johnny and I are pretty lucky ourselves, I’d say,” Jake said. “Now eat your pancakes because I have big plans for us today.”  
  
“What kind of plans?”  
  
“It’s a surprise, sweetheart, but I think you’ll love this.”  
  
“I’m intrigued,” Mia said as she juggled Johnny with one arm and tore into her breakfast with her free hand.  
  
XoXoXo  
  
“So what did Aidan and the kids do for you for Mother’s Day?” Mia asked as she twirled the phone cord around her pinky finger. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched Jake playing on the floor with Johnny, snapping pictures of him every few seconds as Johnny sucked on a big plush toy almost twice his size.  
  
“The older kids made me cards and we’re all going out for dinner tonight to celebrate the holiday. As for Aidan, let’s just say that he made me feel very special today too – twice in bed and once in the shower,” Kendall replied with a contagious laugh.  
  
“Lucky you,” Mia said through a chuckle. “Johnny has kept us far too busy this morning for any of that.”  
  
“He needs to start sleeping in later.”  
  
“Tell me about it.”  
  
“So what are your plans for the rest of the day?”  
  
“I don’t know because Jake won’t tell me. He’s being evasive and has this mischievous look in his eyes.” Jake looked up at the mention of his name and winked at her. “Yeah, I mean you, Jake,” Mia said with a laugh.  
  
Just then the doorbell rang, cutting into Kendall’s reply. “Kendall, hold on. Jake, can you get that please?”  
  
“No, I think you’d better get the door,” Jake said. He picked up Johnny and bounced the tot on his knee. “In fact, I _know_ you should.”  
  
“Okay then.” Mia smiled. “Kendall, I have to go. I’ll call you later, okay?”  
  
The women quickly said their goodbyes and then Mia raced for the door as now their visitor was knocking on the solid oak frame. She pulled open the door and her eyes went wide. A handsome teenage boy stood on the doorstep, rocking a bit anxiously on his heels. He had dark olive skin and big brown eyes.  
  
In that moment, Mia knew who she was looking at.  
  
Her hand moved to her mouth for a moment. She couldn’t find any words. She was grateful when he spoke first. “Are you Mia – Mia Martin?”  
  
Mia nodded and tears flooded her eyes anew. “Yes… And you’re William Styles, aren’t you?”  
  
The boy nodded. He was tall for his age, nearly towering over her. “Yeah, yeah. But everyone calls me Will.”  
  
Mia sagged against the door frame for a moment, trying to catch her breath. She then looked at him earnestly. “Can I – can I hug you?”  
  
Will rubbed a hand over his shorn head and then offered her a little nod. “Yeah, that’d be okay actually.”  
  
Mia held out her arms and Will stepped into them. A sob welled up in her throat and it was all she could do to hold it at bay. She hugged him for a long moment, as tightly as she dared, and bless him, he returned the embrace.   
  
“Come inside,” Mia said. “Let’s talk. I want to know … Well, everything.”  
  
She stepped back to let Will into the house. He walked inside and looked at Jake sitting on the floor with Johnny. Johnny was drooling all over Jake’s favorite tee-shirt. “Hey again,” Will greeted Jake.  
  
“Nice to see you, Will,” Jake said. Mia knew then that he was the mastermind behind this. That he had arranged this meeting somehow. She loved him more in that moment than she would have thought was possible.  
  
Jake climbed to his feet and rested Johnny on his lean right hip. Will bent down to look at Johnny. "Is this – “  
  
“Your brother?” Mia said. “Yes. That’s Johnny.”  
  
Will reached out and grasped Johnny’s little curled fist in his hand. He shook the baby’s hand. “Nice to meet you, big guy.”  
  
“He _is_ big,” Mia said. “But then you were no slouch in that department either. You were nine pounds, fourteen ounces at birth.”  
  
Will’s eyes widened. “You still remember that?”  
  
“I could never forget it,” Mia said with a smile.  
  
Jake looked between Mia and Will. “Let me get you two some sodas or something.”  
  
“Okay,” Will agreed. Jake took Johnny with him and left the living room. Mia waved Will over to the sofa.  
  
“Please sit down,” she said. She sat down on the opposite cushion, unable to take her eyes off of him. “You’re so handsome,” she enthused.  
  
He blushed. “Thanks…”  
  
“You definitely got your father’s – I mean your _biological_ father’s – looks.” Will smiled. “Okay but that smile … There’s a little of me right there.” She dashed at her teary eyes. “Sorry, it’s just… This is such a surprise.”  
  
“For me too.”  
  
“How did you meet Jake?”  
  
“Well a few months ago, he called my parents – my adoptive parents, I guess is they’d be called – and asked if there was a way he could discreetly get a recent picture of me for you. But my dad; he did one better. I was always asking about my birth parents so he turned around and asked me if I’d like to talk to Jake… I said yeah.”  
  
“Wow. And Jake told me absolutely none of this.”  
  
“I think he didn’t want to get your hopes up in case-“  
  
“In case you didn’t want anything to do with me?”  
  
Will shrugged. “But I do. I have so many questions, I guess. It was your husband’s idea to have me come here today though. He paid for the plane ticket for my dad and me to fly out here.”  
  
“You’ll be in town for awhile?” Mia said hopefully.  
  
“Till Wednesday. Then I have to get back home because I have a basketball tournament the next day.”  
  
“You play basketball, huh? I bet you’re so good at it.”  
  
Will shrugged sheepishly. “I guess… I mean, I swear I’m not bragging but I am the only freshman on the varsity team.”  
  
Mia smiled. “That’s such a great accomplishment… I just can’t believe you’re in high school already. It seems just like yesterday that I was holding you in my arms for the first time…” Her voice trailed off.  
  
“Why did you get me up?” Will asked. “It seems like … Maybe you loved me.”  
  
“I did. I always will,” Mia said. A tear rolled unbidden down her cheek. “But I was young and clueless and stupid. I didn’t know how to take care of myself, let alone another person – the most perfect, innocent little person ever.” Will clasped his hands and Mia found herself reaching out and covering them with her own, smaller ones.  
  
“I wanted you to have the best life ever so I made the decision to give you up for adoption,” Mia said. “Tell me you’re happy; that you have a good life and that your parents treat you right.”  
  
“I’m happy,” Will said. He smiled as he looked at their joined hands. “My mom and dad are good to me too. They call me their miracle baby. Even though I’m fourteen; they still call me that.”  
  
“I don’t blame them. You’re amazing. So … Well, everything I had hoped you’d be.”  
  
Will smiled sheepishly. “Thanks.”  
  
Mia nodded. “So you knew you were adopted early on?”  
  
“Yeah, my parents told me when I was six. They said I was born from your body but I was born in their hearts. It was a little confusing but I figured out what they meant, eventually.”  
  
“I can never thank them enough for what they’ve done. Protecting you, loving you, keeping you safe and healthy… Someday I’d like to thank them in person.”  
  
“You could meet my dad at least. He’s the one that came with me here since my mom is laid up with a broken ankle. She fell on the job.”  
  
“Oh no. I’m sorry to hear that.”  
  
“She says it doesn’t bother her; that she doesn’t have to go to work for awhile and can stay home and watch her stories.”  
  
Mia smiled. “Her stories huh? Your parents sound wonderful and yes I’d love to meet your dad while you’re here.”  
  
“Do you think my biological father-“ He broke off, shaking his head.  
  
“Are you asking if I think Frankie would want to meet you?”  
  
“Yes… Uh, would he?”  
  
“I _know_ he would. I know he thinks about you a lot. He carries a baby picture of you that I gave him around in his wallet, everywhere he goes. I have one just like it in my purse.”  
  
Will looked at her in surprise. “Really?”  
  
“Yes,” she said. To prove it, she grabbed for her purse on the table next to her and unzipped it. She opened it and found the side pocket where she kept a tattered picture of Will. She handed it to him.  
  
He smiled. “I’ve never seen this one before.”  
  
“The nurse took it the day you born. Look how wrinkly you were! Your parents took you home with them two days later.”  
  
“Was it hard - giving me up, I mean?”  
  
Mia nodded. “The absolute hardest thing I’ve ever done or will do. But I knew you’d be better off. I just hoped and prayed that you were okay.I wanted to come to see you. So many times I almost did but then I told myself I couldn’t disrupt your life that way. But please know, if you believe nothing else that I ever say… Please know that I loved you. That I always will. You were my firstborn and no one can take your memory away from me. The only thing better than the memory though? It’s finally getting to meet you in person.”  
  
Will nodded. “I am glad to meet you too.” He then surprised her by offering her a big hug. Mia cried into his shirt. She felt embarrassed for emotionally unloading on him like that but she couldn’t help it and a part of her knew, he didn’t really mind.  
  
XoXoxo  
  
Jake insisted that Will stay for lunch. Mia was thrilled that Jake was so welcoming of her firstborn, that he had initiated this miracle – and that’s what it was – in the first place.  
  
After Will was gone – they had called for a taxi to take him back to The Valley Inn – they tucked Johnny into his crib and then ended up cuddling on the sofa.  
  
Mia reached up and touched Jake’s stubbly cheek. “Thank you.”  
  
“You’re welcome.”  
  
“Of all the things I was expecting for Mother’s Day... That totally wasn’t it.”  
  
“But you’re happy?”  
  
“Deliriously. You know this means I have to thank you every single day for the rest of our lives, right?”  
  
Jake kissed her right temple. “You don’t have to do that. I just wanted your first official Mother’s Day to be special.”  
  
“It was so special, actually a day for the record books.” She smiled and knotted her fingers in the fabric of his shirt. She tugged him close and kissed him softly on the lips. The kiss quickly grew in intensity and passion.  
  
Jake smiled into her mouth. “I do know of one way you can thank me, Mrs. Martin.”  
  
“Tell me,” Mia said with a grin.  
  
He reached for the belt loops on her denim jeans. “I’d rather show you.” He then tugged her close, as close as two bodies could possibly get.


	3. Believe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RIP David Canary!

****Believe  
_  
Christmas Eve 2015_  
  
“Where’s Daddy?” Scarlett Chandler asked as she and her siblings sat around the huge tree in the living room of the family manse watching the bright lights twinkle on the thick branches. It was Christmas Eve and JR was nowhere to be found. The mood was decidedly less than festive.  
  
Babe pressed her hand to her swollen belly and shook her head. She didn’t want to lie to them but what choice did she have? She couldn’t very well tell them that their father had fallen into the bottom of a bottle and probably would not be home for Christmas. “He’s with some friends,” Babe said, the bitter lie burning her tongue. _Sure, his friends Miller, Cuervo, and Hineken...  
_  
“Will he be here before we go to bed?” Dayton asked. His blue eyes were wide and inquisitive.  
  
“I don’t think so,” Babe said. The children all took to protesting. Carly - ever the sensitive one - had tears in her eyes.  
  
“Kids, please, please calm down,” Babe pleaded. “I’m sure he’ll be here in the morning.” She prayed that she wasn’t lying to them.  
  
Krystal walked into the living room carrying a tray full of steaming mugs. Saved by the bell.  
  
“Who wants hot chocolate with marshmallows?” Krystal asked.  
  
The youngest children dashed over to their grandmother, eagerly reaching for their sugary drinks. AJ though, he just sat on the sofa, unmoving. Babe thought that he might be holding back tears but she didn’t dare mention that.  
  
She waddled to his side and dropped down beside him. She wanted to offer her eldest child comfort, even if he tried to resist it. She slipped an arm around his slumped shoulders. “AJ, don’t you want some hot chocolate before bed?”  
  
“No,” AJ said. He turned in her arms to stare at the fire dancing in the hearth. He looked absolutely miserable. As the oldest one, he understood far more than the other children. He had also seen Babe and JR in some of their worst moments and no doubt recognized that things were falling apart again.  
  
“AJ -” Babe started but he shied away from her touch.  
  
“Tell them the truth, Mom,” AJ said gruffly. “Tell them Dad isn’t coming home. They deserve to know the truth.”  
  
“AJ, please don’t say that. Christmas is a season of miracles.”  
  
“That’s what all the stupid movies say but I don’t believe it,” AJ said. “I don’t believe in Santa Claus anymore either. Christmas is stupid!” AJ shot to his feet and ran from the room. Babe heaved herself off the sofa as everyone turned to stare.  
  
“It’s okay,” Babe said. “Just finish your hot chocolate and then it’s time for bed.” She toddled as fast as she could after AJ and caught up to him as he was about to ascend the staircase.  
  
“AJ, don’t go away angry,” she called to him.  
  
AJ whirled around. Abject misery swam in the depths of his blue eyes. “But I _am_ angry, Mom! I am really mad,” he said. “First Grandpa died and then Dad just walks out on Christmas … I don’t believe in stupid miracles. I won’t believe in anything ever again.”  
  
AJ was barely eleven years old and yet he had the weight of the whole world pressing down on his young shoulders. Babe’s eyes misted with tears and she reached out to pull him against her rounded body. He struggled in her embrace but she held fast. “AJ, I love you. Your dad loves you. He is going through a hard time but he doesn’t want you to stop believing - not in the magic of the holiday and not in him. You can’t stop believing in your Dad, AJ, you just can’t. You have to hope things will work out. I know it sounds dumb but we all need hope. It’s what gets us through the hard times and I know this is a really hard time, but we are going to make it through.”  
  
A tear rolled down AJ’s cheek and he swiped at it angrily. “How could he just leave us like that, today of all days?”  
  
“He hasn’t left us,” Babe said. “He loves you too much to leave you. He loves all of us. He’ll be back.”  
  
“How can you be sure?”  
  
“I just have to have faith,” Babe said. What other choice did she have?  
  
“Now why don’t you get some hot chocolate and then head to bed? By morning, I bet your dad is back.” She truly hoped that she wasn’t giving him false hope.  
  
“I don’t want stupid hot chocolate,” AJ said. “I’ll just go to bed.” Babe hugged him and felt the loss of him keenly as he swept free of her embrace. Her hand fell on her full tummy as she felt tears well up in her eyes. If she didn’t love JR so much, she would really hate him right now. She understood that he was devastated by Adam’s death but it was no excuse to hurt their children this way. If she was barely holding it together, how could she expect her little children to cope?  
  
Krystal materialized at her side. She tucked Babe against her side and smoothed back her long blonde tresses. “What can I do? Tell me,” Krystal said. “There has to be some way I can help you and the kids.”  
  
“You can help me by watching them tonight while I go out.”  
  
“Where are you going, Babe? It’s freezing out there!”  
  
Babe squared her shoulders, trying to conjure up the determination and bravery that she knew she had somewhere deep down inside of her. “I’m going to find my husband and I’m going to bring him home to his family.”  
  
“Oh, Babe, are you sure you want to try? JR can be every bit as stubborn and bull-headed as his father was.”  
  
“Mom, he’s my _husband_ and I love him. And the kids love him. He needs to be here so yes, I am going after him. Now will you watch them for me?”  
  
Krystal sighed. “Of course, Babydoll.”  
  
XoXoxo  
  
Babe pulled up in front of a stinky old bar called The Pit on the outskirts of Pine Valley. She had hunted through every other bar and drinking hole in town for JR and this was her very last resort.  
  
She climbed out of the SUV and hurried up the front steps as fast as her heavy body could take her. It was already after two a.m. The kids would be waking up soon. She had little time left to convince JR to come home where he belonged, but she had to try. She couldn’t accept “no” for an answer.  
  
She wrinkled her nose as she slipped through the door. The bar’s name was appropriate - it was a complete dive, reeking of both stale beer and piss. How JR could hang out here, she didn’t know.  
  
She drew stares and whispers as she waddled through the bar. She squeezed through a group of men gathered around the jukebox and was sure that one swiped at her ass, but she ignored it. She had to. She wasn’t here for these freaks anyway; she was here for her husband.  
  
She finally spotted the tips of JR’s spiky blond hair. She pushed her rest of the way through the crowd. Three empty shot glasses sat before him and he was busily draining a fourth. She stomped to him as fast as her tired legs could carry her and ripped the tumbler from his hand.  
  
His eyes shot to hers. They darkened and there was a warning in them. “Well look who's here." He reached for the glass but she held it behind her back. JR rolled his eyes. “Keep it then. There’s a lot more where that came from, right Vinny?” He waved to the bartender. “Three shots, man. Line ‘em up.”  
  
Vinny stared at Babe’s stomach. “Is your Missus drinking too?”  
  
JR rolled his eyes. “Hell no. She was actually just leaving. Keep pouring.”  
  
“No, Vinny, don’t. Cut him off,” Babe said.  
  
“He’s not cutting me off. Not when I have all of this,” JR said belligerently, slapping a wallet bulging with twenty dollar bills down on the bar.  
  
“JR,” Babe said. “Stop acting like this. Come home with me. Please.”  
  
“Babe, go home already. Without me.”  
  
“I am not leaving without you,” Babe said. She reached for his sleeve, giving it a fierce tug.. “Come home. Right now.”  
  
JR ignored her, pounding on the bar. “Vinny, did I not tell you to start pouring?”  
  
“But your wife-”  
  
“Ignore her,” JR spat.  
  
Babe stared at Vinny imploringly. “Please don’t serve him another drop. He has five kids at home who need him.”  
  
“Babe,” JR growled. He tossed his wallet at Vinny when it became obvious that Vinny was debating about what he should do. “I have all of that and there’s more where it came from. If you won’t serve me, then just I’ll find someone who will.”  
  
“JR, you’re being so petulant,” Babe said. He was hurting her deeply. “Stop this. Please,” she implored. She tugged on his sleeve again. “Come with me. I am pleading with you here. Your children are depending on you and so am I.”  
  
JR stared at Vinny. “You serving or what, buddy?”  
  
Vinny shook his head. “No. I am cutting you off. Go home to your family, man.”  
  
“You little prick,” JR spat at Vinny. He grabbed for his wallet and pocketed it. Then he got to his feet and started weaving his way towards the exit. Babe followed as fast as her heavy body would allow her.  
  
They stepped outside and Babe shivered. It was freezing out there and all she wanted was to get her husband home where he couldn’t hurt himself or anyone else.  
  
She rushed towards him and grabbed him by the sleeve of his rumpled button down shirt, yanking him to a forceful stop.. “JR, please. Listen to me.”  
  
“Babe,” he growled.  
  
“Look at me. I _said,_ look at me, JR!”  
  
JR turned stormy eyes on hers. “What? What the hell do you want from me?”  
  
“I want you. I want you to be the wonderful man I know you are. I want you to be the amazing father I know you are and the loving husband I adore. Please, JR, don’t shut all of us out. We don’t deserve it and neither do you. You shouldn’t grieve alone.”  
  
“Is that what you think I’m doing - greving? Hah,” JR said darkly.  
  
“Your father -”  
  
“I know. I know the great Adam Chandler is dead,” JR spat. “You don’t have to remind me.”  
  
“Adam wouldn’t want this for you.”  
  
“How do you know what he would want? He didn’t even want me.”  
  
“That’s not true, JR, you know it’s not.”  
  
“I tried my whole life to make him proud, to make him respect me and he never did. He went to his grave the same miserable old bastard he always was.”  
  
Babe understood then. JR was not just grieving for Adam; he was grieving because he felt he’d never been the son he thought Adam wanted.  
  
Babe got as close to JR as she could and cupped his stubbled cheeks in her tiny, chilled hands. “JR, for all of his faults and there were many, I know Adam loved you. It may not have been a perfect love but it _was_ love.”  
  
“I don’t believe that. I don’t believe in anything anymore.”  
  
“JR, I can give you one thing right this second to believe in,” Babe said. She grabbed for his hands, pressing them to her belly. “You can believe in this little boy in here. You believe he will love you as much as I know you already love him... You believe you have five other children who adore you. You believe that you are a wonderful father who loves all of his kids equally and who cherishes them. You believe that I love you. That I will always love you; that I always have. You believe that and don’t give up.”  
  
JR ducked his head, no doubt trying to hide his emotions, even as his hand lingered on her belly. “Babe-”  
  
“JR, if you can’t believe in anything or anyone right now, then let me believe in you enough for the both of us. Because I do believe in you. I know we’ve had more ups and downs than any couple should ever have, but we’ve have made it through the worst, we’ve made it through the ugliness and the anger, and we can make it through this too.”  
  
“Dammit. I am a grown man, Babe! I can’t believe I’m standing here all miserable cause daddy dearest didn’t love me… But he never said it, Babe - he never really said he was proud of me and I spent my whole damn life trying to please him.”  
  
“But Adam did love you, in his own way, and even if you can’t believe that right now, think about the love I have for you. Think about the love your children have for you. Know that we need you, that we depend on you. We can’t move forward without you.”  
  
“Babe-”  
  
“Come home, JR, come home. Let’s be together on Christmas. We can figure everything out together, as a family. Will you come with me?” She held out her hand to him, hoping and wishing and praying he would do the right thing instead of the self-destructive thing. She wanted him to stop punishing himself because Adam wasn’t the perfect father. He deserved so much better than that.  
  
“I don’t want the kids to see me like this.”  
  
“JR, all they’re going to care about is that you’re home, that you made their wish of having their family together on Christmas, come true.”  
  
“What if I can’t be what they need?”  
  
“You already are. Take my hand, JR. Take my hand and come with me. Come home. Choose us and not the hurt, the anger, or the misery.”  
  
JR watched her face for a long moment and then just as she was sure he would send her away, he reached for her hand, intertwining their fingers.  
  
“I’m sorry for everything … But yes, let’s go home,” he said.  
  
XoXoXo  
  
Babe and JR were back the mansion by four a.m. JR immediately climbed into the shower and cleaned up as well as shaved while Babe fixed him hot coffee. Fortunately, her mother had set out all the presents while they were gone, so all they needed was for the children to wake up.  
  
Babe and JR were sitting on the sofa, just holding each other, when AJ came skidding into the living room. He didn’t even look at the mountain of presents stacked from floor to ceiling. He just looked at his father.  
  
“You’re here,” AJ said quietly.  
  
JR stood and moved over to his eldest son. “I am here and I’m not going anywhere. Never again. I mean that.”  
  
“Dad,” AJ whispered and then hurled himself at JR. He toppled into JR’s arms and JR hugged him close for the longest time as Babe watched the two men with tears in her eyes.  
  
JR pulled back and rested his hands on AJ’s shoulders. “I want you to know something. I really want you to hear it okay?”  
  
“Okay…”  
  
“I love you, AJ, and I’m proud of you. Do you hear that? I’m _proud_ of you, Son. I always will be.”  
  
A tear fell down Babe’s cheek as she watched father and son embrace again. JR had just given AJ the greatest gift he would ever receive.


End file.
